


I Survived, So I Remember

by newyork_institute



Series: Lay Your Weary Head to Rest [2]
Category: Gods of Olympus - Fandom, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Apollo has Daddy issues, Apollo is a SIMP for Fives, CT-27-5555 | ARC-5555 | Fives Lives, CT-27-5555 | ARC-5555 | Fives Needs a Hug, I Love You, Love Confessions, M/M, Mando'a Language (Star Wars), Pet Names, Soft Boys, There are Greek Gods on Coruscant I do what I want, Top Apollo, bottom Fives, first I love you, slight angst? but not really, theres One greek word in here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-17
Updated: 2020-12-17
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:20:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28124493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/newyork_institute/pseuds/newyork_institute
Summary: War can leave scars behind, and survivors guilt plagues everyone, even a God who's trying to forget everything he's left behind
Relationships: CT-27-5555 | ARC-5555 | Fives/Apollo (Greek God)
Series: Lay Your Weary Head to Rest [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2054007
Comments: 1
Kudos: 25





	I Survived, So I Remember

Some days, Fives can wake up and manage to push everything he’s gone through to the back of his mind and finally live the life he’s only every dreamed of living since he was a young cadet on Kamino. Being able to live freely without the constant reminder of the war made the pain in his chest and the gulit in his heart slip away so he could breathe easier. 

Falling in love with Apollo, though it wasn’t intended, seemed to make everything easier. Apollo made Fives feel human, something some people still couldn’t do, even though the war ended months ago and the galaxy was finally the way it was always meant to be. He was like a balm to a wound, the sun after the rain, rebirth after death. He helped piece Fives back together slowly after thinking he was only good enough for shooting down droids and watching his brothers suffer and die. 

Other days, though, Fives struggled to simply _breathe_. Those days were always harder to get out of bed and function like a person, but when those days came after a period of tranquility and peace, Apollo was a rock in a busy stream, holding him when he finally broke, or, when Fives couldn’t even _stand_ the thought of physical contact, just simply being there. 

Apollo had days like that, too, where he would wake up in the middle of the night and just stare out at the city of Coruscant from their bedroom window, his eyes blank and distant. Fives still remembered the first time it happened, the night lights of the city illuminating his skin into a soft blue, his eyes glowing, and his words, quiet and broken, filling the still air around them. 

“My entire life, I’ve been fighting my own family in a constant war that lost its meaning a long time ago. I’ve had to bury so many of my siblings after praying they would survive. I thought coming here to Coruscant would make the pain go away.” 

Fives moved across the bed and pressed his chest flush against Apollo’s back, his one arm wrapping around him and pressing his hand flat against his stomach before his other hand wrapped loosely around his bicep as he placed a soft kiss onto his shoulder. 

“I don’t understand why I survived and they didn’t,” Apollo said, his voice impossibly quiet. If Fives wasn’t sitting right there, next to him, he wouldn’t have heard him. But he did, and he moved so he was sitting right next to the equally broken man. Fives watched him as he melted into the pressure on his side and leaned into it. 

“No one ever talks about the survivor’s guilt, you know? _I_ certainly wasn’t taught how to deal with it properly on Kamino. I punched a lot of walls, broke my hand a couple of times cause of it,” Fives said, his voice quiet. He moved his hand from Apollo’s ribs to his hair before he slipped his fingers through the blonde strands, lightly scratching at his head. Apollo made a content sound in the back of his throat at the contact. 

“But, no matter how much we torture ourselves or how badly we cope with not being able to save everyone, we live for them, and remember them. We survive because they didn’t.” Apollo looked up at Fives then, the light of Coruscant making his blue eyes glow like a star. _Damn_ , Fives thought, moving his hands to cup his cheeks, _I could love him till I’m old and gray_. 

Fives leaned forward and pressed his forehead to Apollo’s. Apollo reached out and placed his hands on any part of Fives he could reach at the moment before his eyes slipped closed again. 

“ _Ni su'cuyi, gar kyr'adyc, ni partayli, gar darasuum_.” Fives’ voice was quiet while he said the remembrance allowed, and Apollo made a sound in the back of his throat at the words before he spoke. “What does that mean?” 

“I'm still alive, but you are dead. I remember you, so you are eternal.” Apollo opened his eyes to look at Fives, his eyes thoughtful, before he spoke, the words quiet in the air between them as the nightlife of Coruscant passed them by outside. “ _Ni su'cuyi, gar kyr'adyc, ni partayli, gar darasuum_.” 

Something feral formed in Fives’ chest at hearing Apollo speak Mando’a, and he couldn’t help the fond smile from forming on his face. Apollo watched him, the ghost of a smile forming on his own face. “What?” 

“I think I should teach you Mando’a. I bet you can say anything and it’ll sound like heaven,” Fives said, his smile growing when Apollo laughed softly. He sat up some so he could get a better look at Fives, and a faint smile sat on his face. 

“I’m willing to learn if you’re willing to teach, _agápi_ ,” Apollo said, moving his hand to trace the five tattooed on his temple. Fives caught his hand in his and placed a kiss to his knuckles. Apollo gave him an adoring smile before he leaned forward and captured his lips in a slow kiss. 

“Hey,” Fives said, pulling away to look at Apollo. Apollo watched him, and Fives could practically _feel_ the adoration coming from the man before him. 

Fives loved Apollo more than he thought humanly possible, and he made it so easy, too. The small touches, bringing him caf in bed, holding him when the nights were reversed and Fives needed to hear the things he told Apollo just now, fucking him slow and deep like he was the only one in the galaxy for him, _caring_ for him like he was the only one to care for in the galaxy. Fives’ love for him consumed him, completely and fully, and there was no coming back from it. 

“ _Ni kar'tayl gar darasuum_ ,” Fives said, not being able to stop the smile from forming on his face. Apollo let out a shaky breath, his grip tightening around Fives. “What does that mean?” 

Fives just smirked and leaned forward again, catching Apollo’s lips in a more heated kiss before he lightly pushed him onto the bed. Apollo’s hands on his skin felt like fire. Moving his leg, Fives used it as leverage to straddle Apollo’s hips and pressed down into him before his lips left his and trailed down his jaw. He kissed along his neck before moving up to nip at his ear. “I think you know.” 

“Say it,” Apollo breathed, sliding his hand up to Fives’ hair and tugging on it lightly to get him to look at him. “I want to hear you say it.” 

“I love you,” Fives said, the words slipping from his mouth as easily as it was to breathe. Apollo watched him for a second, as if waiting for him to say he was lying and it was a joke, before he smiled and pulled Fives back down for a searing kiss that left him breathless. 

Then Apollo was flipping them, fitting himself in between Fives’ thighs and leaving a bruising kiss right on the high point of his neck before he pulled away, his hand coming up to cup Fives’ cheek, his thumb tracing over his cheekbone. The smile quickly made it’s way back onto his face, and Fives let one hand land on his hip before the other was wrapping around his neck and bringing Apollo down on top of him. 

“I didn’t think I could love again after my last relationship,” Apollo said, leaning down to press his forehead into Fives’. “But you made me realize I could, Fives.” 

Apollo sat up some and looked down at Fives, who was looking up at him with all the adoration in the world directed solely at him. “I love you, too.” 

“Good,” Fives said, smiling at him. “Because that means you’re stuck with me for the rest of your life.” 

Apollo laughed before he pressed another kiss to Fives’ lips.

**Author's Note:**

> Mando'a Translation"  
>  _Ni su'cuyi, gar kyr'adyc, ni partayli, gar darasuum_ \- I'm alive, but you are dead. I remember you, so you are eternal  
>  _Ni kar'tayl gar darasuum_ \- I love you
> 
> Greek Translations:  
>  _Agápi_ \- love
> 
> Icarus was Apollo's last real relationship like so long ago it's unbelievable but Zeus had to get involved and mess it all up


End file.
